I actually went back to using pen-and-paper journals after finding that some emotions just can't be expressed without thoroughly messy handwriting.
so, jarom is back, and doing well. he looks wonderful. he has de-missionary-ized much more than I expected by this point, and things between us are...lovely. still awkward but not in a "he just got back from a mission" way, more of an "I like him and he likes me but we aren't really saying lots about it quite yet" way. saturday I was at his house for a barbeque for 6 hours, sunday was his homecoming talk, and last night we had ice cream and games with kim and quentin. then jarom asked if I'd like to go for a drive, which ended up being 2 hours. we went up by the dam right by the napa county line, and looked at the stars, and stayed about ten feet apart from each other the whole time. it was actually pretty funny. although a few times he was right there and suddenly holding me and everything else disappeared for a moment. cliche? definitely. but glorious.
then on the drive back we had an "us" sort of discussion, much sooner than I anticipated. one thousand congratulations to me for being honest about how I felt (without scaring him off, even!). looks like in the coming weeks (days?) we'll start getting more and more comfortable with each other, and figure out are we dating or what, and after that what, etc. mmm.
good times, folks, good times. I'm still sort of floating around, everything is so much better than I thought it could possibly be.
huzzah for being alive!