daily ramblings

"which of the bold-faced lies will we use?
'I hope that you're happy,
you really deserve it' --
'this will be best for us both in the end'"

- standard lines, dashboard confessional

ah, yes, the ever-popular "this is for the best." always fun.

the song is on right now. no connection to real life. which is good, 'cause I really don't feel like being in a situation where that could come up right now.

today wasn't bad. work has been dragging on lately; usually I start wondering why I can't remember taking my lunch break, because it feels like it must be about 3:30...then I look at the clock and it's only 10. gaaa. somehow, though, it's already the end of wednesday -- this week has flown by, even though at work it seems to take ages to finish the day. countdown is now something like six and a half weeks till jarom comes home. I mailed off his letter today, along with one to jennifer, and the watercolor for ann. (plus a letter.)

jacopo got the addendum package today, hoorah! he sounds like he's going to have a lot of fun in provo. I'm actually jealous of him right now. I know he wants to be at his new job already, but I'd give anything for a week of just playing with people. doing whatever I want.

I found a document imaging company in provo. check out their website here. in the next few weeks I'll probably look into more details on how similar they are to mha, and if there's any chance I might be able to work there this fall. if it were full-time it'd pay more than working in mapleton again, even though I loved that job. we'll have to see. oh wait, I don't want to be working full-time unless I absolutely have to, huh? that changes things a bit.

jt concert on the 20th...I so desperately want to go, but I'm not sure if I can rationalize the expense. ok, so it's only $25, which is a great price for seeing james taylor in concert again, but...I just don't know. since there's a $13 surcharge online, jacopo offered to buy me a ticket in utah if I give him the money. mm. such a dilemma. I want to I want to I want to I want to I really really want to, and it's the right time to go back to utah, and julia said I can move in a few days early if I take the spot in the house...but...but...but...money. I hate money!!!!

update: I just had a chat with my pa about the concert. he was not amused. with any luck, though, I can just ask for a ticket as a birthday present. for my real birthday, okay? (in case you forgot, my other birthday is this saturday. I don't see the big deal about having another birthday. it's not like I don't deserve it, y'know?)

my sleeping schedule is completely ruined. not sure why. possibly the fact that I keep taking naps in the afternoon/evening...and then stay up till 11 or even 12, and have to get up at 5 the next morning...and I haven't been getting good sleep. also not sure why. my dreams are even weirder than before, if you can imagine, and I wake up feeling like I just barely laid down. or I'm more exhausted than when I went to sleep. isn't that backwards? I did discover, though, that my headaches are worse when I'm hungry or I've gotten too much sleep.

still need to take my dress to the tailor. no money yet. I'm desperately worried right now, money is so tight, and I hate it hate it hate it. hopefully gabe will find a new home soon. to be honest, I will miss him, for the good times we've had if nothing else. he was my first real car. that truck doesn't really count; I only had it for 3 months, and barely drove it. anyway. I need to sell gabe, despite my affection for him. and I need to get new tires, ohhh man I'm so scared of driving at all in my new car. something bad, very bad, is going to happen if I don't put new tires on right away.

the pscu final, final, final delivery is copying overnight and will be taken down to the client tomorrow. which means after work I need to make that cake. mick sr gave me a check for it, for the ingredients & time, $35. I thought about just using that for the concert ticket, but after some very depressing careful thought about it decided it would be far wiser to just deposit it in my savings account. blast. (of course, I will use part of it for the ingredients.) if I could handle it I might think about getting another part-time job nowadays, just so I could rest easier about my finances. crimeny.

I just thought of something I had to get done...something with a deadline...and forgot it. this is not good. oh, there it is. I have to find out why byu is sending me a statement saying I owe $1451 on my account. what the? some of it I can see it legitimate, like health center charges I had them bill me for but never paid off, but then here's the part that gets me. it has a listing for "tuition charge - fall" of $1640, and a "tuition - fall reassessment" for -$1640. then a listing for "off campus - california gov." in the amount of $1169, which I happen to know is what was contributed to my fall tuition by scholarshare. well...byu refunded the $1169 to my scholarshare account; I got a statement from scholarshare (that's where the phantom money came from) saying it had been put back into the account. so the best I can understand is that byu decided I don't owe them tuition for last fall, since I withdrew from my classes, but I do owe them the money they gave back to scholarshare. the result being that with the money I paid out-of-pocket last fall and the $1169 they want me to pay now, I've paid for a full semester's tuition. maybe there's some rule about not using scholarships for semesters that you don't finish? I have to call tomorrow. if that's the case, and I do owe them all this stupid money, then some very bad things are going to happen. first, my parents will be less-than-pleased. second, I may not be able to start the independent study class I wanted to, because I was going to pay for it with the money in my scholarshare account.

dangit I hate money!!!!